So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
