Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
