Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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