I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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