The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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