There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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