Sry I called you an 8
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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