Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
