I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
