I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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