I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
