So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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