God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
