yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
