I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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