My underwear smells like fireworks.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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