Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
