Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
