in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
