Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
