I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just found puke in my bra..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
