fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
