i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I smell stomach acid.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
