you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How naked do you want me to be?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
