then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
