You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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