You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
