The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
