Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
