Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
