I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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