Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
