im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
