this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
