i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
