Moan for me like Helen Keller
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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