Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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