The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
