ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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