I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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