Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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