I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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