Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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