did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
