I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
