I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
