is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
