I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
