I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
