Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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